To Whom It May Concern,
I have been going through different emotions. I have not been at my best lately. You know some of it, but I have tried to keep most of it hidden from you. I never wanted you to know. I never wanted you to see the sorrow I felt about us being physically apart for so long. I tried to hide it. I never want you to blame yourself for the feelings I may have felt. I just wanted you to know, to see, to feel that I loved you, with my whole heart. It feels like it’s all spiraling down. And I never wanted that. I wanted it to be me and you. Always. When I closed my eyes, even now, I don’t see anyone else but you. When I thought of my future, of future goals, of marriage, of children, I saw all of these things with you. Before I met you, I had promised myself to never fall so deep that I saw a future with anyone. I always felt like it would just be me. I would become a teacher, but I’d live by myself in this tiny apartment. No love, no children, but just bestowing my love upon my nieces and nephews. I’d be the cat lady most females dread. I’d joke like that to my friends. And then I met you, in May 2016, a month I won’t forget because YOU changed everything.
You messaged me after we matched. You wanted to be my friend, you wanted to get to know me, and I wanted to know you. You were genuine, you were good, you had a kind soul. I was slowly falling. The moment I first met you in person, the moment my eyes met yours, I knew. I knew your soul. I knew who you were as a person and that everything you said, everything you felt, was true. I knew I was falling in love with you. We didn’t see each other for months after and I began to pull away. I was afraid, I was scared if I loved you, I would lose you. You’d love me for awhile and then leave me. You didn’t want me to pull away though. You didn’t know about my flaws yet. You didn’t know that I was damaged.
We went on a date, and it was amazing. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget our first kiss, I’ll never forget the first time you held my hand. These are memories I’ll dream about, these are memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Every moment with you was so different from others before you. It was real. It was all so real. My love for you grew, and I remember the moment I first loved you. I knew, just by looking at you, that I loved you. I looked at you and I was home. You gave me the feeling of home. Naturally, I was devastated when you broke things off on October 5th. I cried every day, I woke up nauseous, and yet you still wanted to talk to me, you still wanted me to love you. I never wanted to stop loving you. When you asked me to be with you again, there was never another answer except for yes. It would’ve always been a yes. November was the best month of my life.
I love you, and I know I always will. You will always be my soulmate. I never knew what true love was until I loved you. And I know, that within my heart, I will never love anyone the way I loved you. You will forever be my saving grace. Thank you for saving me.