So this is pretty embarrassing, but I got my permit today. I have always been afraid of driving. I’m deathly afraid of it. I’m afraid of crashing and dying. I mean, you hear how many people die in car accidents all the time and it just makes me a nervous wreck. But today I got my permit, which is one step to getting my license, which I’m ready to do. I wasn’t ready when I was sixteen, and it took years for me to be ready, but I am now. And I’m pretty shaky about it.
Another thing about today was that I learned to let go. I have been struggling to keep a game face on, and struggling with it. I’ve tried to not let his happiness make me sad, because when he left, I told him to be happy. I wanted him to be happy. But it breaks my heart when I hear about it, and I don’t ask to hear about it because part of me still had not moved on. People do not help. People just tell me that I deserve to be as happy as he is, and it breaks my heart because I want to know he is happy, but then I hear about how he moved on. It makes it harder to hear.
“I got molly’s and coke.”
– Some random guy
Last night, it was the first time I went out with my friends and I was definitely nervous on how it was going to turn out. For good reason. It was 10:40 when we walked in. It was a bar like room, not much of a club scene, or how you’d think a club scene would look like. So many people, not enough room, all waiting for the other side to open. The cooler side. Or so I’m guessing. We stood there, not sure what to do. It was our first time. We were innocent to the club scene in our state. Only two of us were legal, myself and the only guy in our group. We got bombay’s with redbull, it was weird tasting but I downed it fast. No effect as of yet. We waited what felt like hours to go to the Other Side. When we finally went, it was empty. Of course the club scene wouldn’t start at 11, it would start at midnight. That’s when the real party started. The bartender was this beautiful celebrity lookalike and I decided, in my state of mind, that I would give her a compliment. I went up to the bar and said
“Before I give you my drink order, have you ever been told that so and so looks like you?”
She giggled and winked at me as she gave me a gin and tonic. Never had one but I will never have one again. I started to feel more of the effect of alcohol. It was time to go dancing. My friend took me to the dance floor where we danced, being silly and freaking out that people were staring at us because we were on the outskirts. The rest of my drinks for the night were vodka and red bull. For me, a deadly combination, and something I don’t plan on doing again, because it messed me up too bad. I eyed this guy as I was dancing, he was in a blue shirt with white writing, like an aeropostale shirt. He was cute, and I wanted to dance with him. We did end up dancing, but because my friend brought him over to me. And it was fun. I didnt know his name but it seemed mysterious to dance with someone you don’t know. My heart was racing as we danced. And all too soon, it was over. I stumbled my way to my seat, and I blinked, and the night was over.